Do you know how I know it wasn't a ghost?

You know that thing you saw this Halloween and thought it was a ghost? Maybe it was on Most Haunted Live? Do you know how I know it wasn't a ghost? Because Ghosts don't exist! Every instance of ghostly phenomena I have looked into (I used to be interested in the subject) turned out to be related to one or more of the following:

  • Miss-identified normal phenomena
    • House settling or central heating noises. (Pipes!)
    • Floaters in the eye causing the perception of movement in the corner of your vision.
    • Vibration of road traffic causes a clock to move to the edge of shelf and fall off.
    • Adults witnessing children being imaginative. (Playing hide and seek with nobody)
    • Instinctive human reactions to stimuli not consciously recognized.
    • Miss-firing human brain pattern matching, particularly faces.
    • Not appreciating limits of technology (Orbs)
  • Miss-remembering or false memories
    • The clock falling off the shelf becomes a clock suddenly flying across the room after a couple of conversations.
    • Mass Hysteria (cats and dogs living together)
    • Over active imagination (Imaginary friend becomes ghost of dead great-grandmother)
    • Confirmation from other party (Parent inserts details of great-grandmother into child's memories of imaginary friend turned ghost).
    • Our brains are horrible at retaining/recording information and it can be easily corrupted.
    • Dreams confused with reality
    • Self-for-filling prophesy (Expect/Wanting becomes seeing)
  • Altered mental state
    • Alcohol (wrong type of spirits)
    • Drugs
    • Stress
    • Extreme emotional distress (death of a loved one)
    • Medical condition
    • Infra-sound
    • Electromagnetism
    • Sleep Paralysis
  • Lies and Fabrication (Most Haunted Live)
    • Publicity and tourism (half the pubs in UK tourist towns are "haunted")
    • Attention seeking behaviour
    • Approval seeking behaviour
    • Covering for wrong doing
  • Culture
    • Religion (often prefer demons to ghosts)
    • An open mind (they tend to be used as a dustbin)
    • Spiritual thinking
    • Popular entertainment (whatever is currently popular colours experience)

Some supposed hauntings have explanations so obvious and so rich with evidence of non-paranormal events that you wonder why people thought ghosts were involved at all. Ghosts don't exist outside your crazy, easily manipulated mind. If you often experience ghostly happenings then I suggest a psychiatrist is who you need to call.


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UK

I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. I also moan like a son-of-a-bitch.